When someone is in a bad marriage, it can feel like they’re living every day of their lives in a battlefield. Of course, not all marriages are battlefields, sometimes they just feel apathetic, boring, empty, and hopeless.
When a spouse finally arrives at the decision to put an end to their misery and move on, their first instinct may be to have an adversarial attitude toward their spouse. But would doing so be in their best interests? Usually, nothing good comes from holding on to such negative emotions, especially during the divorce process.
Negative Emotions Cloud Judgement
Divorce has a way of taking a perfectly sound and logical person and making them turn into an illogical, emotional creature. The problem is that when you’re dealing with such sensitive issues like child custody, asset, and debt division, you want to be thinking with a clear head. You don’t want to make big decisions when you’re angry.
When you’re angry and irrational, you can make some big, irreversible mistakes in your divorce that can affect you for years to come. For example, if a man cheats on his wife with the couple’s nanny, and the wife decides to max out the credit cards in revenge, the wife can be accused of “wasteful dissipation of marital assets” and the judge can order that she, not the husband, has to pay off the entire debt she recently charged.
Another example is a man who’s angry at his wife because she asks for a divorce. Bitter that his wife is leaving him, he takes the couple’s children out of the country so the wife will never see the couple’s children again. The children are safely returned under the Hague Abduction Convention, and the father is charged with kidnapping. He acquires a criminal record and his parental rights are greatly restricted. If he had never lashed out, he could be asking for a 50/50 joint custody arrangement, but he ruined all hopes of that.
Why a Collaborative Divorce is Best
If you want to have a “good divorce,” the best thing you can do is set your differences aside and seek a collaborative divorce. This doesn’t mean that you and your spouse have to agree with every divorce-related issue from the start, but it does mean that you are both willing to treat each other with respect and negotiate until you reach a satisfactory agreement.
Collaborative divorces have many benefits. They are less stressful, and they are a lot cheaper than litigated divorces. If you have children, then they will benefit too. The opposite of an amicable, collaborative divorce is a contested or litigated divorce, which not only drags out through the courts, but it can cost you thousands of more dollars in the end.
So, if you want to have a positive divorce experience, our advice is to treat your divorce like a business transaction and do your best to keep the negative emotions out of it and maintain a positive mindset throughout the process.
